LOST AND FOUND [276 a 278]

Pag.276

LOST AND FOUND

Months late and hundreds of thousands of dollars over budget, I finally finished Dragon Lord. 

The triumph of completing the film was a cold one. My break-up with Teresa put me into a state of depression; suddenly, the original title of the film, Young Master in Love, seemed bitterly ironic.

But at least the movie was finished, and I had every hope that it would restore whatever shine my star had lost with my American failures. 

I was wrong. Though it did all right in Japan and elsewhere in Asia, in Hong Kong, Dragon Lord was a box office disaster. 

When the truth became obvious, I spent almost a week at home, sleeping, staring at the walls, and leaving only to eat. I wouldn’t take anyone’s calls. When my stuntmen invited me to join them on our usual nighttime bar crawls, I told them curtly to leave me alone. 

It finally took Willie to snap me out of my funk. As I sat on my couch, listening to a record album, I heard an insistent knock. I just turned up the music and paid no attention, until finally the sound grew too annoying to ignore. 

Dragging myself to the door, I mumbled to my unexpected guest that I didn’t want any visitors. To my surprise, there was the sound of a lock opening and the doorknob turned by itself. In strolled Willie, a duplicate set of my keys in his hand. 

“If you recall, you told me to watch your apartment while you were in Taiwan,” he said, tossing the key ring onto my coffee table and seating himself on the couch. 

“Go away, Willie,” I said. “I’m busy.” 

He picked up the album sleeve, which had been carelessly dropped to the floor. “This is one of my favorites, too, Jackie,” he said, humming along. “When will you come back again ...”

I grabbed the album out of his hands and put it on the table. “Why are you here?” 

Willie rolled his head back onto the couch cushion. “To help you, as usual,” he said. “Only to help.”

I sat on the couch and put my head in my hands. “You can’t help this time,” I said. “I’ve lost her. I’ve ruined my career. It’s over. Everything.”

Pag.277

He patted me on the shoulder consolingly. “Jackie, you have a right to be upset—you’ve made mistakes,” he said. “But everyone makes mistakes; mistakes are just the way life teaches you lessons. Which, if you don’t mind my saying so, you were rather overdue in learning.” 

A month before, I’d have blown up and told him to get out of my apartment. Instead, I nodded slowly. “I’ve been a jerk,” I said. “To you. To Leonard. To Teresa. To everyone.” 

He smiled, and he could have been cruel—he could have flashed me a triumphant I-told-you-so look—but he didn’t. Well, my head was still down, so I don’t know for sure, but he’s not that kind of guy. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. 

“Jackie, I want you to close your eyes and think for a moment,” he said. “Think back ten years into the past, and tell me what you were doing then. Tell me what you see.” 

I did what he asked, without questions. “I guess I’m a stuntman,” I said. “I’m hanging out on the set at Golden Harvest; I’m waiting for the coordinator’s call. Just talking with the other guys. Hoping that I’ll get a chance to work today.” 

He nodded. “Okay, now think back another ten years.” 

“I’m at the school,” I said. “I’ve only been there a while. I don’t really know anyone, and I’m afraid of Master.” 

Willie nodded again. “Now open your eyes and look around.”

I rubbed my eyes and scanned my apartment. It was a terrible mess, but it was large and well furnished, with everything I’d ever dreamed of having: television, stereo, a nice kitchen, exercise equipment. There was a large picture window with a spectacular view. And here and there, there were mementos of my movies—posters, souvenirs I’d picked up from abroad, old props. 

“Jackie, think of how far you’ve come,” he said. “Twenty years ago, you were nothing—a kid in rags scrounging for extra food. Today, you’re the biggest star in Asia.” 

He was right. Almost. “Well, I was,” I said. “Before I destroyed my career.” 

Willie snorted. “What are you talking about? One or two bad movies doesn’t destroy anyone’s career. Let me remind you, you had many more disasters before, when you were working with Lo Wei,” he said. “The truth is, you haven’t lost your talent, or your health, or your drive, or your imagination. All of the tools that brought you this far are still yours. But there’s something else that you’ve been missing, Jackie, something that made you different and special.” 

I turned toward him, searching his expression in an attempt to see what he was trying to say. And then I understood. 

I’d been thinking only about myself. About what I wanted, about my own success.

Pag.278

After my sudden rise to the top, I’d somehow forgotten my heart—my ability really to care about other people. My friends. My loved ones. My family. 

This was why I’d lost Teresa, and it was why, I realized, I’d been so unhappy, even when I was playing at being the big man. 

I thought back to the closest and oldest ties I had in my life and career. And then I realized what it was that I needed most, not just as a filmmaker, but as a person. 

I needed my brothers.